Advice for Day I stopped counting a week ago: Have a Plan G

I always thought “if all else fails” I would work as a secretary in the big city for a while, freelancing what I could, until someone recognized the genius underneath their upturned noses.

But then today “all failed” including my brilliant Plan B, which was actually Plan F, after failed plans B, C, D and E. So here I am wondering how could I be so stupid not to have planned a Plan G.

After some soul searching, cross-legged meditation, a few yoga poses held too long, an expensive reiki session, and every other hippy practice I could partake in the fine anti-boho town of Green Bay, WI, I decide I needed to get out of this charming town now. I needed to get out NOW, not when I find my dream job but NOW before winter sets in and my ’96 Geo gets stuck underneath 3 feet of snow.

Now problem, I will just launch Plan F, find a temp agency and get some decent paying work, just enough to afford a sweet pad in the city and chill for a while.

And then the temp agency rejected me.

Yes the temp agency rejected me- a UW-Madison college graduate with a 4.0. How the hell does Plan F fail? How does a college degree not qualify me for the rigourous tasks of photocopying, answering phones and taking messages? I am an educated, dedicated and honestly pretty damn perky employee- how can a temp agency not want me?!

OK you know life is really out of control when you ignore four years of journalism training and add two unnecessary punctuations to the end of a sentence. But it is at that point now. Suddenly it isn’t just that college grads have to settle for a less than desirable job but that they can’t get any job.

A effin 4.0. What a the hell?!

So on to Plan G: begging; just plain pathetic pleading, as old as Jonah imploring the great white whale to please throw him up, as classic as Oliver Twist asking for another cup of gruel, as annoying as that screaming 6 year old in Toys R Us nagging her mom for a bratz doll and just slightly less pathetic than Wall Street soliciting Congress for a bail out.

So a pathetic plea to all out there: know anyone in Chicago? Then please please hit me up with their info so I can gravel at their feet for a job. Please folks ‘cause there ain’t a Plan H.